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And so this is Christmas...[/caption]And what exactly IS this holiday? We know the current birthday of Jesus was borrowed from more ancient celebrations connected with the return of the sun after the longest night of the year.
We know (well at least we are pretty sure) that Jesus wasn't born at this time of year, that it is more a symbolic celebration of his birth.
I digress...
Disclaimer:
In no way is this post intended to offend, upset or otherwise harm anyone's feelings, beliefs or spirituality - I am writing it as a bit of pure fun. I will also say that I am not intending to infringe on any Copyrights, the product mentioned below is totally fictitious and offered as just a bit of pure fun!
In a culture of STUFF and selfishness what do YOU want for Christmas?
I think I might like one of these -
Now remember, this is a fictitious product, it can't be bought anywhere!! That makes it kind of special right there - no one has it in stock - desirabilty on a scale of 1-10 at least 11!
If it were available this is the blurb that you would find associated with it -
Congratulations on becoming the proud owner of the Google Mat!
A Spiritual manifestation of enlightenment
Thank you for receiving you Google Mat, may abundance be yours! Please read all instructions carefully before using your Google Mat in order to prevent any unwanted phenomenon.
Care and handling: Your Google Mat is created with utmost care from high quality products. Under normal use it should last you several lifetimes. When not in use your mat may be carefully rolled and stored in a secure place. Do not vacuum your mat, instead gently shake out any spiritual detritus that might accumulate.
About the Earthing cord: Your Google Mat is equipped with an Earthing cord, this should be attached to the ground thus enabling you to receive the additional benefits associated with Earthing whilst you call on Google.
About the Couples Mat: If you have the Couples version of the Google Mat you will find the Mat is in two pieces connected by natural hemp cords braided by bushmen in the Andes. This is to enable two people to sit side by side and not interfering with each others vibrations. The cords connect the Mat while keeping each half at optimum distances from each other.
Operating your Google Mat:
- Always place your mat facing East (unless you live in the Far East in which case you can orient it 3.27 degrees slightly to South East, preferably on a declination of +/- 2 degrees if possible).
- You might want to consider placing your Google Mat in a room of it's own, may we suggest a quiet space with gentle sunlight.
- Make sure you are wearing comfortable attire and are sitting comfortably.
- For optimum satisfaction you should ground (or mat) yourself before beginning the process, taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and relax (avoid inhaling mat fibres as they may contain carcinogens).
- Once in a relaxed state call upon Google.
- State your questions in clear concise words and continue to breathe.
- Google will answer all!
- You will find the more you use your mat the more enlightened you will become.
- For best results use your mat several times a day and upon waking at night.
- Some users find it beneficial to set their smartphone alarm for specific intervals of time.
Customer Care and Emotional Support: Should you have any enquiries regarding your Google Mat please contact Vince in our Customer Appreciation Department, he's there most days now that his stint with Shamwow is over.
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